Mr. Sticky Fingers...?

So, as if I needed another reason to completely dislike my boss - and trust me, I have a myriad of them - I think I caught him trying to steal something from my desk the other day.

Okay, that’s a slight exaggeration. I didn’t catch him in the process of doing anything other than waddling to and from my cube, but I do think I thwarted his efforts. Allow me to explain.

My cube at work is - for the most part - fairly run of the mill. I don’t have a lot of garish decorations, save a few pictures of the family and some of my daughter’s artwork. However, I do have two little “conversations pieces” that sit atop my shelf: a picture of me taken with the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders (yes - plural and yes - the real ones) and a little plastic reindeer that “poops” out brown jelly beans. The former really needs no explanation - the latter was a small Christmas gift from my sister to celebrate my overly infantile sense of humor.

In any event, these two things have sat atop the shelf on my cube pretty much since I’ve been here. They’re just kind of out of the way and not really noticeable unless you’re back here and happen to be looking directly into my cubicle.

I mention this, because of what happened the other day - I was sitting back at my desk about 15 minutes or so from the end of the day, when all of a sudden, my boss comes down the aisle. The look on his face clearly indicated to me that he wasn’t expecting me to be here. Why, I have no idea. Perhaps he thought he laid me off already, I’m not really sure.

Anyhow, he makes a quick look towards my neighbor’s cube, which I found odd, since he knows she leaves at 4:00 every day. Then he looks over at my cube, and I happen to notice that in his hand is the exact same reindeer as is on my desk, only missing its head. And he looks at me with this sheepish grin and said, “Oh, you have one of these too. Heh. Mine broke. Great minds think alike, eh?” And then turned around and walked away.

Although it struck me as odd when it happened, I really didn’t think anything of it. Honestly, the strangest thing about it at the time was that he was even over there in the first place, since he never comes over to our aisle - and when he does, it’s not just to make small talk.

Then I was reminded of something that happened about a week or so earlier. I had walked into his office to have him sign something and gave him my pen. He signed the paper and then looked at the pen as though he had never seen one like it before.

“This is a really nice pen. It writes really well - where’d you get it?” he asked. I told him that I got them at Target or wherever and went back to my desk. When I got back to my desk, I knew I had an extra one of those pens, so I went back to his office and tossed the extra on his desk. (Hey - don’t judge me. When you’re looking at an uncertain job future - it doesn’t hurt to butter up the guy in charge of whether you stay or go. I make no apologies).

Anyhow, he takes the pen and thanks me for bringing it in. Then, just as I turn around to leave, I happen to catch a glimpse of the pen container by his phone and see - THE EXACT SAME PEN I JUST GAVE HIM AND HE ACTED LIKE HE’D NEVER SEEN BEFORE!

Then, I got back to my desk and made a second realization - I didn’t have an extra one of those pens - I should have had an extra TWO of those pens, since they came in a 3-pack. Sure enough, I looked around on my desk and the third pen was nowhere to be found. I chalked it up to an odd coincidence at the time, but looking back at it now - in conjunction with the pooping reindeer incident - and I have no choice but to believe one sad, indisputable fact.

The fat prick has been pilfering from my desk.

Of course, I can’t do anything about it. I don’t really have any concrete proof - though I think both of these “coincidences” definitely give me cause to think that’s probably the case. Besides, even if I did have proof, I’d still be in the same boat I’m in now, so there’s no point splitting hairs.

So now, not only do I have to go through the next month knowing that this a-hole is planning to lay us off at the end of the month, but refuses to admit it - I now have to do so with a fairly strong assumption that he’s been stealing things from my desk as well.

And people wonder why I don't like bankers...