So much for starting a new blog to inspire me to start writing again . . .
Actually, its not a lack of desire that's kept me from posting - just a lack of time to stop and jot down my thoughts for more that 10 seconds at a time. Such is the life of a father of two, I guess.
Anyhow, in an effort to spur my writing along, I've volunteered to write an article for the monthly newsletter of a local Dad's site I belong to. While you all reel from the shock of my rock star lifestyle - just know that these are the things that happen to you once you start procreating . . . mainly that writing for newsletters constitutes excitement in one's life.
So, since I haven't bothered to write anything else this month - I thought I'd pass along that article, just to make it look like I'm doing something here, and once again to hopefully kick the ol' writing genes into high gear.
In other words - see you in another month or so . . .
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As you all know – being a husband/father/baby-daddy/mistress or whatever else you like to be called – is a 24/7 job. We are – at least, most of us – are constantly learning on the job. I, despite my delusions of grandeur and infallibility, am no exception to this theory.
Therefore, I am writing this, not only as a pseudo-exorcism of sorts, but to hopefully help you – my fellow fathers/husbands/baby-daddies, etc – to not follow in my foolish, foolish footsteps. Because after all, friends don’t let friends drive drunk – and friends should definitely not let their friends tell their wives how those jeans really make her butt look.
Because, in all honesty – when one of us loses – we all lose. And that’s no good for any of us.
Therefore, without any further ado, I give you – The Things I’ve Learned This Month:
This month, I learned that when you promise someone you’ll write an article for them, you’re best to start early, in the event things happen that take your mind away from the topic at hand, and leave you scrambling and eventually begging forgiveness from Tiny E at the 11th hour . . .
This month I learned that when a UFC Hall of Famer and mixed martial arts legend gives a seminar on the same day as your child’s birthday – it is NOT acceptable to request permission to attend said seminar, even if you have already celebrated the birthday a couple days earlier . . .
This month I learned that the right amount of blue food coloring does very interesting things to one’s bowel movements. In a related story . . .
This month I also learned that four year olds (and their daddies) become very amused upon learning the previous tidbit . . .
This month I learned that – of all the things that could conceivably wake you up in the middle of the night – your child rolling over and thus positioning his poopy diaper directly under your nose would have to rank near the top of the ones that really suck . . .
This month I learned that whoever created some of the Disney movies of the 40s, 50s and 60s must have been under the influence of some really good stuff. You can’t tell me that movies like “Fantasia”, “Alice in Wonderland” or “Mary Poppins” were made without the help of some really good psychotropic assistance. Speaking of Disney movies . . .
This month I learned that I apparently am very attracted to the Mary Poppins’ era Julie Andrews. Well, either that or I’m just really attracted to Mary Poppins. Either way – giddy up . . .
This month I learned that $40 will barely give our car half a tank of gas (this revelation was followed by learning that throwing up in your own mouth is very unpleasant) . . .
and finally . . .
This month I learned that when my daughter draws a picture of me with a head that looks like Mr. Potato Head, its not because she thinks I look like Mr. Potato Head, just that she thinks I have a big head.
